Candy

"Make it two"
I said to the clerk.
"Two candy bars" I reiterated.

I leafed through the free daily papers on the counter. "does anyone ever take these?" I asked the young cashier.
" Only people like you," he wittily replied with a smirk.
" Like me?" I pointed to myself. " What are you tryin' to say?"
"Uh.. nothing.. never mind"

The clerk handed me my two chocolate bars with added haste. " Now you take care," he said and turned around to the television which was playing old cartoons. I grabbed my merchandise and threw a dirty five dollar bill on the counter. I then slithered out of the crummy convenience store back to my bungalow on the third floor of the 57 building. I wheezed as I reached the summit. I must have gotten fatter. I glanced at the candy bars. I waddled to my apartment door, fished in my pockets for my key, opened the door, and made a b-line for the couch. I rolled over the arm rest and settled into my usual Thursday night slump. I figured I would probably not move until the morning. My eyes began to get heavy as I prepared my body for some sleep.
Suddenly I heard a buzzing noise. My body jiggled as I jolted awake. What the hell was that buzzing ? I stubbornly grasped the armrest and hoisted myself up to investigate. The noise continued to beckon me. I followed it to the door. It was the intercom. I had never used the intercom. I answered it cautiously
"H.. hello ?"
"I got a special delivery fer Lewis, are you him?"
"Uh.. yeah.. this is him.."
"Well come down 'n get yer package boy!"
"Alright.. I'm comin' down."
I let out a large sigh and made the journey down three agonizing flights of stairs. I left the apartment building and saw a very short, stout man in a suit. He held a large package in his short stubby arms.
"You Lewis ?" he yelled to me.
" Yeah.. what do you want?"
"I want to give you yer damn package that's what." He puffed on a short cigar as he eyed me.
" Well here I am.. give it to me already." I waved my arms at him.
"You gotta sign fer it." He produced a clipboard out of the back of his pants.
"Jesus what else?"
He handed me the clipboard slowly.
" Ya better not pull any shit with me."He waved the clipboard at me." I may look small, but i'll wallop yer fatass."
I looked at him with a confused look.
" You heard what I said, now sign the damn thing."
" I think you could be a little nicer to me, and give me my package."
"Your package? You weren't even expecting it."
He spit on the ground.
"Okay buddy calm down."
The man stomped out his cigar, and yelled.
"C'mon out boys!"
Suddenly three more short, suited men rounded the corner of the building.
" Take his fatass out"
The three miniature thugs beat me up and left me in the street dazed and bloody. The leader looked at me.
"that's what you get for making fun of midgets!"
He threw the package at me. It opened up to reveal nothing. I had just been thrashed by a gang of midgets for something I uttered on a bus weeks ago. And this was my life...