The Collector

From the moment I saw his face I knew he was evil. More importantly, it was his eyes. Bright, lying blue eyes. He had the innocent look of a child, but you could tell. Behind the innocent face was a lying, manipulative bastard. I handed him my credit card uneasily. I had no choice. I had to. He took it in his boyish hands, and swiped it in the machine with a sly smirk. He had me. The fuck had won. I took my card back quickly and grabbed my bag of goods. “ Have a nice day,” he said with a phony vocal inflection. “ Yeah,” I mumbled as I fled the tiny boutique. The street was its usual cluster fuck of people. Tourists, workers, homeless, and traffic. God this place sucked.
I walked up to a street meat cart and got in line. I was starving. I spaced out for a moment staring at two pigeons fighting over a French fry. “ Next!” I heard. Oh shit, that’s me. “Uh… I’ll take a hot Italian sausage with peppers and onions.”
“That’ll be 3.50.” The grimy salesmen barked. I followed the line to the next man who was grilling the assorted meats. He handed me a deliciously greasy sausage, with all the fixings.
“Thanks.” I said. The man did not respond. He just eyed me, and then eyed the tip jar. There was no way in fuck I was going to tip these crude bastards. I took my prized sausage around the corner to a park bench and devoured it in about 30 seconds. I was sure my face was stained with mustard or hot sauce, but I just didn’t care. I sat for a little bit longer. I looked in my bag. The boss had better be pleased. I finally got up and rounded the corner to the bus stop. I waited for about 10 minutes before the big blue bus screeched in front of me. I got on and whipped out my wallet. I quickly flashed the driver my metro pass and kept walking. He stopped me with a grubby hand on my back. “ Hey buddy, that things expired. The new ones are green.”
“ I just got the thing yesterday,” I lied.
“Bullshit, fare is a buck and a quarter, pay or get the hell off.”
“I’m not paying the fare, I have a pass!” I started to get angry, even though I knew I was wrong. I couldn’t give up the lie just yet.
“Well, what are you gonna do, you’re holdin’ me up!”
“I bought this pass from the metro station on Venture, from a lady named Linda, call and check with her. It can’t be expired”
“I’m not taking your bullshit, pay or get the fuck off!”
Suddenly a teenager walked up and waved two dollars.
“Here, just take this, I’m gonna be late for Christ sakes.
“No, no, fuck it, I’m outta here.”
I stomped out of the bus and flicked the driver off as I left. Goddamn, I have to get a new pass. I should’ve just taken that kids money.
Now I was going to be late. The boss was going to be pissed as usual. I kicked a littered McDonalds bag in frustration. It hit the shoes of a businessman who was walking by.
“Hey, you better fuckin’ watch it. I’ll fuckin’ bury you!” he snarled, but kept walking. I hate this damn city. I continued my walk down the long crowded street. I clenched the blue double bag tightly. If I lose this, I’m up shit’s creek without a goddamn paddle.
Up ahead on the sidewalk was a male and female arguing. They must have been married, I could tell by their language.
“Honey, I’m sorry, but we can’t afford to go out every night”
“Oh but you can afford all those porno movies every night!”
“Those aren’t…“
She cut him off, “Yeah, I see the bills, get away from me you disgusting pig!”
The woman walked faster ahead. The husband hurried to console her. What’s the point. They’re just going to end up old and cranky, like every couple ever. I’m so happy I’m single. I slowly reached my destination. I was sweating and out of breath. It must have been 100 degrees in this shit hole valley. I approached the boss’ house. I slid my face to the intercom and pressed the speak button. “It’s Joe, let me in.”
“You’re late Joe.”
“God dammit, I know, just let me in.”
There was a slight pause. Then the gate swung open. I staggered up the long winding driveway, still clutching the bag tightly. After what seemed like a decade, I reached the goddamn porch. I walked over and opened the big wooden door. I entered the same way I had hundreds of times before. Past the kitchen, past the john, right into the living room where the boss usually sat. This time was no different. When I entered, he was lying on the large leather couch, sipping a cocktail. Cartoons were playing on the massive screen in front of him. Not anime, or adult cartoons, but children’s programming. The fat fuck still watched cartoons. I don’t know why.
“What do you have for me?” he mused. He stroked his mustache like some kind of movie villain.
“Here,” I took a small green box out of my bag and handed it to him. He popped it open and examined it closely.
“ Hmm..” He sat silent for a moment. Damn, I knew he wouldn’t like it.
“You know I already have one like this!” He began to get unruly.
“Hey man, it was the only one they had!” Again I lied. I could have gone to a different boutique, but neglected to.
“Take it back. I don’t want that shit in my house.”
He practically threw the box back at me. “Be gone,” he said with an air of arrogance.
“Get out! That means fucking leave!” He shooed me out. I left in a depressed slump. Fuck this job. What did I ever do to deserve this? I was back on the streets. There was no way I would get to the store in time, so I just sat on .the curb and stared, blankly. Traffic was zooming by, left and right. I opened the green box, took out the stupid Chewbacca figurine, and threw it into the street. With my luck, it bounced up and struck a Cadillac. The driver immediately pulled over, got out and lunged at me. Oh shit, how am I going to get out of this one?